Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Retirement in 32 + years...

It was a revelation. The other day I received my 401K update in the mail. Among other things I realized that I would have to work the rest of my life---just like most of America. And then *BAM*! My head started to swim. I am 33. I have been with my employer for 13 years. I have had my position for almost three years---with no desire to move up anytime soon (trying to hold on to my soul a little longer). Panic. Is this what I want to do with my life---for another 33 years (the span of my current lifetime). Uhg. What a dismal prospect. Even if I move up an up and up and up---I cannot fathom another lifetime worrying about the mundane of retail life. This cannot possibly be the purpose I am on this planet.

I came to the business because no one else would hire me. I stayed and worked my way through college---full time student and worker--graduated with honors (in the field of art education). I planned to teach---to paint. To move on. Jobs were slim and the bills came (college loans and bills from an emergency operation). I stayed and was promoted.

My ancestors worked in mines and steel mills. Long days. Dangerous. And little pay. They supported an education. They worked hard so their children and their children's children could do other things other than work for the machine.

I am not to proud to keep my job to pay for my living. But I do feel shame that I am not where my family and myself thought I would be.

This first journal entry marks the first night that I start working overnights for six months. It also marks the completion of my first proto-felt-elephant (for a felt book project). It felt wonderful sewing the last stitch. And it felt dismal when work called and told me I had to some in at 2AM to cover a shift.

I wish I could quit the corporate. I don't think I can stand to be a cog much longer.

1 comment:

Elizabeth said...

18+10 HA HA real funny

now I know why mom hasn't talked to me in a few days You narked on me!!!!

Love You

great page